Microblog Mondays: Double Digits!

That saying that "the days are long but the years are short" is so true.   Somehow it has been ten years already since Pickle was born.  She is so excited to finally be "double digits" and in way too much of a hurry to grow up for my liking.

She is a thoughtful, kind, clever, funny child.  She is definitely her own person and it makes me think about who Poppy and Pipkin would have been had they made it through pregnancy and been her older siblings.  And with two older siblings, would she even be the same as the person she is now?

It is also bittersweet for me.  Her dad would be so proud of her, but she will never feel his love or pride again.  And it hurts me to think that she's been alive without him for one and a half times more than she was with him.

Sometimes I think the grief I feel for her loss of a father, is deeper than the grief I feel for my loss of a partner.  It feels very much like my grief after my two pregnancy losses.  It's almost like the grief for the loss of what might-have-been is heavier than the loss of what-cannot-be-any more.  

The loss of the ideas in my imagination greater than the loss of actual reality...

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.