Seachange - moving for a simpler life

I just dropped Pickle at her orientation for occasional care - a two hour session in preparation for one day in care a week.  

I'm sitting in the library next door thinking what should I do with my time?  

I have a long list of things that need doing, but the thing that crosses my mind most days, that I never seem to get to, is my blog. 

I thought I’d be able to update it at least every month – which is how often I update the blog I maintain for Pickle and her Grandparents, but something always seems to take precedence.  And then I thought I’d have time to do a ‘what happened in the last year’ post last month, but ended up being even more overscheduled than usual.  I cannot believe its been over a year since I last wrote, nor how much has changed since then.

Last January, when Pickle was nearly 8 months old we took a ‘holiday’ to Auckland to see family.  It was the usual pressured trip with lots of running around to try and spend time with everyone.  The last three days we drove to Tauranga to spend time with a family friend and have a couple of days relaxation by the beach.

We had originally decided to move to Melbourne and got the visa before I became pregnant with Pickle and our choice of Melbourne was mainly for the job market. When he announced we were moving to Australia, Mr Duncan’s employers declined his resignation and asked if he could just work for them from there.  And with Pickle coming along, I never started looking for clients in Melbourne and started slowly working on some small online businesses.

When we returned from our trip to New Zealand, Mr Duncan and I started discussing the idea of moving out of the city.  

The housing market in Melbourne is extremely expensive and given we didn’t need to be close for work reasons maybe we should consider a seachange.  

I remember Bits And Peaces making a similar change, for similar reasons and it seemed to offer so much – more time for both parents to spend with the baby, more affordable housing, more stopping and smelling the roses…

So the end of last April, Pickle, Mr Duncan and I flew to Brisbane, rented a car and did an 800km road trip along the coast south to Coffs Harbour and back – checking out all the little towns that met our criteria of near the sea, with good schools, a good library, hospital and some level of tertiary education close to town.

We found one village that really felt right and after re-examining similar places and property prices closer to Melbourne decided to bite the bullet and move again.  At the end of June Mr Duncan and all our stuff drove North for two days to move into a rental we took sight unseen over the internet.  

Pickle and I flew up.

Its been nearly a year and we definitely are enjoying a slower pace of life with lots of building sandcastles and swimming in the sea.  Pickle is thriving and we've settled into a routine centred around the beach, local shops, playground and library.  We only get out the car for the weekly swimming lesson.

What else has happened?

• We went to the UK for a month for Mr Duncan’s work and to see Pickle's grandparents.  This was an exhausting trip, totally not worth it and I don’t want to travel long-haul with Pickle again until she’s at least five - although it was nice to briefly meet up with some old friends.  We all got badly sick with flu from the return flights and spent a month recovering.

• Not long after we returned from the UK, our landlords announced they wanted to move back into their house so we had to find a new place to live and move house again just before Christmas.  The property market is more expensive than our research had suggested and there is little supply so its taking us a lot longer to find a house to buy than we expected.  I’m simultaneously not looking forward to and looking forward to our next move.  At least the next move will be to our own house and we can stay in it for decades.

• Mr Duncan’s parents came out to visit for a month in March.  I thought this would give me some respite – some time to update my blog maybe?  No.  Although they wanted to spend time with Pickle every day, they weren’t willing to do it without myself or Mr Duncan present – so we just ended up really over-scheduled trying to fit in all the social stuff.

• My Mum is coming to visit for a week next Tuesday to celebrate Pickle’s second birthday (and my fortysomethingth).  I just hope this trip goes more smoothly than the last one.  

Pickle updates

The speed at which these small people learn and grow is mindblowing.

• Pickle started walking at 14 months, 2 days.  It was kind of unexpected as she hadn’t really been practicing walking.  She just stood up one day and took 14 steps across the back yard.  By the end of the week she’d stopped crawling completely.

• We did baby sign language with Pickle from the start, and she was pretty good at letting her needs be known with her hands – “more milk” “up Mummy”, “finished”.  But in the past couple of months her speech has jumped from one-two word sentences to ten word sentences and decrees.  ‘Pickle wants Pickle’s daddy come home to Pickles house where he lives’ is one recent statement that sticks in my mind. 

• And in news it feels hard to write down, Mr Duncan and I decided at the beginning of the year to see if we are lucky enough to give Pickle a brother or sister so have been working on clean eating, stress reduction etc.  I’m back on pre-conception supplements and seeing an acupuncturist.  I know our chances are not high, but they’re not impossible either.  

• Or thats what I keep telling myself.

Dates

82 boxes.

Today was Pipkin's due date.

We arrived in Australia to start our new life today.

I've always had a head for dates - remembering birthdays and anniversaries without any effort.  I'm glad that I can make this date dual purpose - and bring some positivity to an otherwise sad association.

I hope I can do that with Poppy's due date too.  

Although it was the middle of freezing cold January, we took the day off work for a trip to the seaside at Brighton.  It was good and healing to spend that time together and acknowledge what might have been.  

I hope the next time it comes around we can start something positive in Poppy's memory.  

In summer.

Its been an exhausting and busy week. 

I'm looking forward to a couple of weeks downtime in tropical Brisbane before attending to the graft of finding a job and a place to live in Melbourne.

L.

x

Matilda the Musical

When I became pregnant the first time, Mr Duncan and I started a new practice in which he reads aloud to me in bed a couple of nights a week before we go to sleep. 

Mr Duncan can be a bit of a gadget addict and this was my way of trying to ensure we both had at least half an hour of non-screen time before bed to

promote good sleep hygiene (and fertility).

We were supposed to take it in turns reading each book but it transpires Mr Duncan falls asleep almost instantly when I read, and given he said he doesn't mind doing all the reading, now he does all the reading.


So far we have read

• Watership Down by Richard Adams
• The Rivers of London Series by Ben Aaronovitch
• The Hunger Games Trilogy  by Suzanne Collins (although we have started and stopped with this - I have a problem with the violence right before bed and need to take breaks) 

We are currently reading Boy, the first autobiography by Roald Dahl who is the author of the book Matilda.

Matilda the Musical opened in London last November and since then I have been asking Mr Duncan when he's going to take me on a date to see it.  I like to take advantage of the culture available to us in London once in a while and I am a fan of musical comedian Tim Minchin, who wrote the music and lyrics.

One of the things I like about Tim Minchin is the articulacy of his lyrics.  He uses a wide vocabulary and often makes unexpected choices which tickle my sense of humour.  

Storm is a good example of his work (animated video contains strong language and anti-hippy sentiments).

Both Tim Minchin and Roald Dahl have a good sense of the dark and absurd, so I was sure they would be a good mix.  

I haven't actually read the book Matilda or seen the movie and made a point not to find out more than what I already knew - which was that it was about a little girl who liked reading and developed some special powers to restore justice with regard to those who mistreated her.  

So when we went on Wednesday night, I didn't really have any expectations.

As a singer, the main thing I like about musicals is the singing.  I know that sounds obvious, but a well pitched, strong voice speaks strongly to me emotionally.  Its the reason I listen to, and frequently cry at, opera - irrespective of whether or not I understand the words.  I've been known to cry at contestants singing on X-Factor for goodness sakes.

This show had me crying at its first line - but because of the words, not the voices.

My mummy says I'm a miracle.

Deep breath.  

Children are all miracles though this fact is sometimes not appreciated by people who do not experience any difficulties in having them. 

The opening number went on to illustrate that Matilda's birth was not desired or her existence valued by her parents, which just made me cry harder.  

Its so unfair!

An accomplished reader, in the song Naughty Matilda wonders why characters in stories do not take action to change the endings of their stories.

Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it,
You might as well be saying you think that it's OK.
And that's not right.  

And if it's not right, you have to put it right.
But nobody else is gonna put it right for me.
Nobody but me is gonna change my story.
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty.

and in a reprise at the end of When I Grow Up

Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change. 

Just because I find myself in this story,
It doesn't mean that everything is written for me.
If I think the ending is fixed already,
I might as well be saying I think that it's OK,

This is very much how I feel about trying to have a child.  

It was not okay that I was not getting pregnant and no one else was going to get me pregnant so I had to take action and do what I could to change my story.

Cue more tears.

So far, I'm projecting myself all over this show, but I was unprepared for additional elements in the plot that were not in the original book (and do not read further if you plan to see the show and don't want to know about these elements).

It turns out that as well as being a voracious reader, Matilda is a storyteller.  

She tells the tale of Escapologist and the Acrobat:

although they loved each other, although they were famous and everyone loved them, they were sad.

MATILDA collects two dolls from the house. She uses them to carry on a conversation.

ACROBAT [off-stage]

We have everything . . .

MATILDA

"We have everything that the world has to offer," said the wife.

ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage]

We have everything . . .

MATILDA

"But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most."

ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage]

But the one thing . . .

MATILDA

"We do not have a child."

ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage]

Patience, my love.

MATILDA

"Patience, my love," the husband replied. "Time is on our side. Even time loves us."

**********

MATILDA

But time is the one thing no one is master of. And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. At night, they listened to the silence of their big, empty house, and they would imagine how beautiful it would be if it was filled with the sound of a child playing.

**********

MATILDA

Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives! 

Just as they plan to perform the greatest feat ever known to man: The Burning Woman Hurling Through the Air With Dynamite in Her Hair Over Sharks And Spiky Objects Caught By the Man Locked in the Cage

MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]

"It is our destiny – "

MATILDA – said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. 

MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]"It is where the loneliness of life has led us."

They discover the acrobat is finally pregnant after all these years.  But their attempts to cancel the event are thwarted.

MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage]

"A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall!"

**********

A contract is a contract is a contract! My hands are tied. The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage will be performed, and performed this day, or . . . off to prison you both shall go!"

**********

MATILDA

The great escapologist had to escape from the cage, lean out, catch his wife with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on her specially-designed dress within twelve seconds before they reached the dynamite and blew his wife's head off!

**********

MATILDA

The trick started well. The moment the specially-designed dress was set alight, the acrobat swung into the air. The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects. One second. Two seconds. They watched as the flames crept up the dress. Three seconds. Four seconds. She began to reach out her arms towards the cage. Five seconds. Six seconds! Suddenly, the padlocks pinged open, and the huge chains fell away. Seven seconds. Eight seconds. The door flung open, and the escapologist reached out one huge, muscled arm to catch his wife and their child. Nine seconds! Ten seconds!

**********

MATILDA

Eleven seconds! And he grabs her hand, and . . . and . . . and suddenly, the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces.

MRS PHELPS

Hooray! So the story does have a happy ending after all.

MATILDA

No. Maybe it was the thought of the child. Maybe it was nerves. But the escapologist used just a touch too much foam. And suddenly, their hands became slippy, and she fell.

MRS PHELPS

No. Was . . . Was she okay? Did . . . Did she survive?

The sheet parts and the ESCAPOLOGIST walks slowly forward, carrying the ACROBAT in his arms.

MATILDA

She broke every bone in her body. Except for the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child, but the effort was too great. "Love our little girl," she said. "Love our daughter with all your heart. She was all we ever wanted."

The ESCAPOLOGIST carries the ACROBAT off the front of the stage.

ACROBAT'S VOICE

Love our girl with everything. She is everything.

MATILDA

And then, she died.

I'm absolutely bawling by this stage.

**********

We can do all we can to put things right, to change the end of our stories.  But it doesn't guarantee the outcome we desire wont slip through our fingers just as everything looks like its going to be okay.

Family

Grilled mackerel and vegetable salad with balsamic dressing
at Portelet Inn, Jersey.  I am SO going to make this one day.

Our trip to Jersey was great.  

The weather was sunny and hot with a comfortable breeze.  The view from our hotel overlooked the sea and I enjoyed the smell of salt in the air.  We rented bikes for two days and explored most of the island.  

We cycled the headland overlooking the sea where my Jersey great x4 Grandfather grew up.  We visited the castle dominated village on the other side of the island where my great x4 Grandmother was raised before they met and married in New Zealand.

On one hand I felt very connected.  Maybe it was because Jersey reminded me of New Zealand - at least in its leafy greenness and closeness to the sea.  On the other hand I felt a bit despondent.  

Does this line end with me?  

Obviously their line doesn't, because they have other lines with other great x 4 grandchildren, but my maternal line could very well end here.

Its been a tricky couple of weeks.  

August bank holiday a friend was over from New York and we met at a mutual friend's place for lunch.  It was great seeing everyone.  Really.  

It was also good to meet the mutual friend's two month old son for the first time - their first baby died of mitochondrial disease and they went through all sorts of pain.  They've been so supportive of me in my losses I am so thankful and don't begrudge them their children at all.  

But I couldn't help but feel, as I held the baby for a few minutes, that maybe I'll never... 

and it felt emotionally so uncomfortable I thought maybe I wouldn't be any good at being a parent anyway.

Today, another weekend, an engagement/housewarming barbecue.  We're not actually that social normally - I haven't enjoyed being around lots of people since I was pregnant the first time.  

I was fine with all the toddlers running around.  I was even mostly fine when the eight months pregnant woman came and sat next to me and started chatting. But when friends of hers came up to ask her how she was and when she was due... she started complaining (in that boasting way they do) about how awful her pregnancy was (and I'm sure it is) and how she just wished it was all over already (which is probably perfectly reasonable).

Gah!

I didn't think it was reasonable.  

I couldn't handle it.  I saw red and abruptly got up and stormed to the other side of the property.  It was that or rant at her about...

Well I'm not even sure about what really.  

I was all like how dare she complain with her round belly and perfect toddler.  MY belly should be that round!  I should have a live baby toddling around!

My anger.  

Not really her problem.

On the up-side while we were in Jersey I spent some time at the archives looking up census records.  At a time when 

• 20% of children died before they were 5 years of age
• the average life expectancy was only 35 years

my female forebears lived into their 80s and were still having children (who also lived into their 80s) at 44 and 45.

So... 

You know.  

Hope.

Looks like I have good genes.

L.

x

Prawn Stir Fry and Family History

In a couple of days we're going to the island of Jersey, in the English Channel for a bit of a holiday.

Ever since we started working on having a family, I've also been working on my family tree.  I think the connection is fairly obvious.

My Grandmother's grandmother emigrated to New Zealand from Jersey in 1874 as part of the government assisted immigration scheme.  She was 22 and as far as I've been able to tell from the passenger list, travelling alone.

Within three years she was married to another Jersey immigrant and had borne her first child.

Australian visa granted

The much awaited visa grant

A long, long time ago, Mr Duncan and I agreed we would move to Australia.

We just needed to wait until his start-up company started doing well (we thought three years was reasonable), and he felt that it could continue to prosper without his daily supervision.

Three years later I was climbing the walls in frustration and he still hadn't applied for the skilled migrant visa he'd promised to apply for - even though it promised no guarantee of a visa within any particular time-frame.

Then we found out we were pregnant with Pipkin.  

Immediate change of priorities.  

I found another visa we could apply for - family member of NZ citizen and we submitted it as soon as we could.  I was keen to have my baby in Australia* and wanted to get there before airlines start denying you boarding...

The estimated waiting time for visa processing was 2-3 months which in the worst case scenario, gave us a window of a few weeks between visa grant/denial and third trimester travel ban.

We lost Pipkin three days after we posted the visa application but that didn't change the time-frame (thank God).  

But Mr Duncan's medical did.  

He had ridiculously high blood pressure which was way outside the permissible guidelines for medical approval.

When he told me I cried - and put him on a strict blood pressure and weight loss 'diet'.  I say diet but it mostly involved him not buying sandwiches from Eat or Pret for lunch and taking food from home or looking at offerings from Crussh.  Oh, and eat no bread or dairy in front of me given he is a bread and chocolate milk addict..

A flurry of letters between his GP and the embassy doctors ensued where the embassy doctors requested his high blood pressure history and his GP said there was no history and that he had 'white coat syndrome'. 

Which he does, but he has also put on 5 stone in the past three years since we returned to London and the rat race.  

I expected the best case scenario would be that they would ask him to re-test.  The embassy sent the results to Australia for 'consideration'.  Who knows how long that would take?

Mr Duncan got the email yesterday.  Visa has been granted with nil restrictions.

Woohoo!

When he told me I cried.  With joy.  Relief?

There is a lot to organise what with households and cars and bank accounts but I hope we're there and settled by the end of the year.

Oh, I'm still having stupid symptoms but caved in and got a BFN.  

Sigh.  

Before I ever got pregnant, I always thought I could trust my body.

*and this is no reflection on the UK medical system** which has been nothing but good to me in its own way. Mostly I didn't want to have a newborn in London where the weather was crap and I had no support system.  To be fair, my support system in our chosen city of Melbourne is not high - I only know a couple of people.  But the weather and public transport are better and worst case scenario I can fly a friend from NZ over in less than four hours.

** We had the same conversations about Poppy, but had agreed we'd give his new company three years, so Poppy was always going to be a UK baby.

Can Kiwifruit Help with Fertility?

We received kiwifruit in our veg box this week, which reminded me of this article from Thats Life magazine about a woman who ate kiwifruit to combat antibodies that can cause miscarriage instead of taking the asprin she is allergic to.  

It gives me hope because not only did she conceive four times in her 40s, but her successful pregnancy was at the age of 43.

As a kid, growing up in New Zealand, chinese gooseberries (as we knew them in the 70s) were really common.  

I remember visiting friends working as fruit pickers at the orchards in Te Puke showing me the sorting shed which was quite an introduction into mass processing and where any fruit too small or funny shaped were available to the workers to take home with them for free.  Cue kiwifruit in every meal on that trip. 

Yum.

Zespri, the New Zealand kiwifruit export marketing board, has information on the nutritional benefits of kiwifruit which turn out to be quite the powerhouse - and some interesting recipes which I might try.  

I'm not too sure about those golden kiwifruit though, I'm sure those didn't exist when I was growing up...

L.
x

Talking about miscarriage and loss

Something that surprised me when I had my miscarriage was the information that one pregnancy in three ends in miscarriage. 

I think that means statistically, for every three women I know that has a child, one of them will have had a miscarriage.

I realise that many losses are very early, often before a woman knows she was pregnant, and I wonder if the slightly late period I had the month before we conceived Pipkin was one of these early losses or 'chemical' pregnancies.  

This is why I don't test early.  

But why don't people talk about it?  

Given how open people are about every other aspect of their lives on facebook and twitter, it seems strange that miscarriage is such a hidden subject.  I recently read an article from Stylist which discusses why miscarriage may be the last taboo.

The material I had read on miscarriage said it would be like a heavy period.  So I was in no way prepared for the actual experience and I had no one to talk to about it!  

I read through lots of online forums, but there were very few accounts of what to expect.  

I guess its true that every woman and every pregnancy is different.  

I finally found the brilliant pregnancyloss.info site which offers 'information, healing and hope'.  It gave me practical information while I was miscarrying and assured me that I was not as alone as I felt.  

And I felt SO alone.  

In many ways I still do.

Very few people knew I was pregnant when I lost Poppy at 10 weeks, but at 15 weeks, we had just started telling people about Pipkin.  

People's reactions to my sad news was fairly consistent.  

They said sorry and then changed the subject.  

But both my pregnancies and both my losses are part of my life - I don't want my babies to be guilty secrets or hidden!  I want to be able to talk about the pregnancy or miscarriage when it comes up and have people listen, not awkwardly turn away.

After my first loss I spent a lot of time reading about other people's losses.  I found it oddly comforting and it helped put my loss in perspective.  

Many women have gone through the experience of miscarriage or loss and many of their stories are so much more difficult than mine.  One very powerful site I spent a lot of time on was facesofloss.com.

I also started reading a number of infertility blogs from the amazing Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer which reminded me that while I have experienced loss, I still have hope, and my journey so far has been comparatively straightforward.   

My favourite is Maybe If You Just Relax - it makes me laugh and I am impressed that the author has been able to write about her difficult journey with such honesty and humour!

I have written about the losses of both Poppy and Pipkin with the hope that these stories may in some way help other women going through this difficult experience.

And because I believe it is important that we as women talk about miscarriage and loss.  

We need to acknowledge and honour the short lives of our lost babies for the information and understanding of others, and for our own healing.

L.
x

Hope from the Daily Mail. Again!

Yesterday's cashew and herb pesto on toast

This page may contain some compensated links. Read the disclosure for more info
As an Amazon Associate I will earn from qualifying purchases from Amazon.

Normally I avoid the Daily Mail with its fixation on scandal, celebrity "baby bumps" (Is she?/Isnt she?) and doom and gloom for 40+ fertility.  

It just bums me out.  

I'm sure there didn't used to be such a focus on pregnancies and babies in the media when I was growing up.  

Or maybe in the absence of the internet, I just didn't have access to such stories in the media that made it into my home.

In any case, only a couple of weeks after its last story of hope, this one hit my attention with a classic Daily Mail headline: 'Is everything we thought we knew about older women and fertility WRONG?'.  

It tells the stories of a number of women who had children naturally later in life and highlights a not-so-new book by researcher Jean Twenge, 'The Impatient Woman’s Guide To Getting Pregnant'. It cites the fact that Twenge discovered the oft quoted research regarding the decline of women's fertility as they age, was based on church birth records in rural France in the 18th century.  

I'm sure my lifestyle is very different from that of the women studied.

I certainly did not get pregnant within 6 months of trying in my late 30's, but I did get pregnant twice in my early 40s and hope that I can do again.

It kind of makes me want to buy the book... which is probably the whole point of the article in the first place.

I'll post a review if I do.

L.
x

My first BFP!

This page may contain some compensated links. Read the disclosure for more info

We'd been working on getting pregnant for about 18 months... the first year mostly casually, the final six months with increasing concern.  

The usual run of tests showed no issues with either myself or Mr Duncan and it was implied it must be a problem due to my age.

I was 40 by the time we went to see the doctor and had genuinely expected I'd be circumstantially infertile until getting together with Mr Duncan at the age of 38. 

My sister had both her children in her early 40s so I hoped I would take after her and that we still had some time. I put the hard word on him about children after only 6 months of dating, but we'd known each other for several years before that and while his attitude was that we had loads of time, mine was that time was running out and he agreed to give up the birth control. 

In the months before my 41st birthday I redoubled my efforts to determine if pregnancy was a possibility for me or if we should just give up trying.  I started taking my bbt to ensure I was ovulating and purchased an AMH test from Zita West to see if I even had an ovarian reserve.

I phoned the doctors surgery to make an appointment to have a nurse take a blood sample explaining what it was for.  When I got to the doctors surgery however, the Nurse wouldn't take blood as it was for a private test, not an NHS one.  

I didn't understand.  

I had explained what it was I needed and was told that I'd have to pay when I made the appointment on the phone.  So I was pretty frustrated that after the wait, the Nurse was refusing to take the blood sample.

She didn't think that my doctors surgery offered that service but the person in charge wasn't there to check with until the next day.  So she sent me on my way.  

I was in floods of tears and had an irrational emotional meltdown when I got home. 

I figured the emotions were due to PMS - if somewhat worse than usual, the timing was about right.  In my irrational upset I decided to take a pregnancy test.

BFP!

Review: The Fertility Diet, Sarah Dobbyn - Maximize Your Chances of Having a Baby at Any Age

The Fertility Diet

The Fertility Diet
How to Maximize Your Chances of Having a Baby at Any Age
Sarah Dobbyn
Simon & Schuster UK, 2012 

As an Amazon Associate I will earn from any qualifying purchases you make from Amazon.  However I didn't when I purchased and reviewed this book over a decade ago.

  

I have to admit, what attracted me to this book is its subtitle.  Age is not necessarily on my side in my attempts to conceive and carry a baby to term and I am keen to maximise my chances where I can.I already eat a pretty healthy diet and follow the usual lifestyle advice for women who wish to get pregnant.  I eat organic, home-cooked food, gave up coffee, alcohol etc and follow the advice on sites like Naturally Knocked Up and Wellness Mama.

The Fertility Diet was recommended to me on Amazon.  I wasn't convinced I needed to read it.  But it nagged at me so I checked out the reviews which ranged from 'the woman is crazy' to 'I got pregnant at 42 because of this book'.  

 

So I tried to find a copy of the book in the library catalog to no avail.  Though my google skills did uncover a comment by the author on a ttc forum claiming to have conceived and birthed a child when she was 44.  This gave some credence to the claims about maximising your chances at any age.

Sigh.

So I ordered it.  

 

Even as I am giving away books to charity shops before we move to Australia, I am replenishing the shelves...

What is The Fertility Diet all about?

Actually, the author covers many, many different aspects of TTC.  In addition to the usual nutrition/lifestyle/exercise/environment advice she also looks at fertility blockers, detoxing and aspects of natural living. 

It's not just about what you eat.  Each chapter concludes with an 'action plan'.  These are steps to put the recommendations in that chapter into action in your life.

I enjoyed the initial chapters about the 'Ingredients for Baby Making' and 'Pushing Snooze on the Biological Clock'. They give a rundown on

• the biological conditions for conception,

• how aging affects these and

• how aging can be slowed down,

citing various research studies. 

These chapters give me good hope.  From this perspective, my fertility age is probably not the same as my chronological age.  I had an inordinately healthy childhood which established a lifetime of good eating habits.

I found the chapters on the Fertility Diet itself quite boring with lists of various foods and their benefits, without the backup of research references.  They did, however, reinforce that I've been eating the right sort of foods to maximise my chances (and that I know way too much about the subject).

I don't have any specific fertility issues (other than age), so I skipped through those chapters.   Except the one on miscarriage, though I didn't learn anything new to prevent losing another baby.

 

Was it worth buying The Fertility Diet?

I am glad I bought it.  It gives me hope and reassurance I am maximising my chances of a healthy conception.  I learned that I pretty much follow the Fertility Diet in my day to day life. 

My recipes are also more interesting and taste better than the ones in the book :-).

What are my main take-aways?

I will take on board several ideas from the book.  As a result of reading it I will

• eat more raw foods, 

• start using digestive enzymes and 

• aim for better quality sleep.  

Getting more natural sunlight can be an effort in London when you work full-time, but I'll work on that too.  

It will be easier in Australia.

I will also stop drinking tonic water as quinine is apparently associated with miscarriage.  This is a bit of a pity.  Tonic is my non-alcoholic drink of choice when out with friends or colleagues.

I'll leave the suggestions on colonic irrigation, lunaception, drinking sole and taking loads of additional supplements - for now.

We'll see how it goes.  Fingers crossed!

L.
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Midlife Fertility Surge? Hope from the Daily Mail

I love this article from the Daily Mail about a woman who had four children naturally in her 40s after 20 unsuccessful years of TTC. 

While I am well aware of all the depressing statistics regarding age and fertility, I remind myself that I've achieved two pregnancies in the past year and a positive state of mind is more likely to enable me to achieve a third than a depressed one.

When I find myself feeling down I can return to the article and others like it to give me hope and counter all the negative suggestion in the media about my age and chances of conceiving.

What is creativity?

Creating life from seeds - for tasty meals!

I was blessed with a good head on my shoulders and did fairly well at school without feeling like I had to try too hard.

Frankly I am a curious person and I found school pretty interesting.  

I used my curiosity and confidence in my ability to read and understand what I read, to teach myself how things worked and how to make things I couldn't afford to buy.  I sang and participated in drama productions.

My sisters didn't enjoy school in the same way that I did.  

My Mum said that it was because I was academic and my sisters were creative. That we were equal, but different.  Thus I was pigeonholed and accepted the fact I wasn't a creative type.

One day when I was in my late twenties a friend commented that I was SO creative in so many ways.  

I was shocked by her comment.  

I wasnt creative! 

I didn't try to come up with ideas, much less compete with my talented sisters when it came to things like drawing and dancing. 

But she pointed out my love of cooking and making up recipes, my confidence around a sewing pattern, my interest in growing my own vegetables, the way I liked to strip back and restore furniture - all my creativity was practical.  Thanks Lisa C.

This put a whole new spin on it for me.  

I am very creative going about my day to day life and in problem-solving.  

One day I may even attempt to muscle in on my sisters' territory of art with some drawing or painting lessons.  

In the meantime, I am interested in fostering creativity in my life with the vague idea that strengthening creativity outwardly will be synergistic with creating new life.

I'll record some of my creations relevant to fertility and pregnancy here.

L.
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