Showing posts with label review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label review. Show all posts

Friday, 27 September 2013

Matilda the Musical



When I became pregnant the first time, Mr Duncan and I started a new practice in which he reads aloud to me in bed a couple of nights a week before we go to sleep. 

Mr Duncan can be a bit of a gadget addict and this was my way of trying to ensure we both had at least half an hour of non-screen time before bed to
promote good sleep hygiene (and fertility).

We were supposed to take it in turns reading each book but it transpires Mr Duncan falls asleep almost instantly when I read, and given he said he doesn't mind doing all the reading, now he does all the reading.


So far we have read
We are currently reading Boy, the first autobiography by Roald Dahl who is the author of the book Matilda.

Matilda the Musical opened in London last November and since then I have been asking Mr Duncan when he's going to take me on a date to see it.  I like to take advantage of the culture available to us in London once in a while and I am a fan of musical comedian Tim Minchin, who wrote the music and lyrics.

One of the things I like about Tim Minchin is the articulacy of his lyrics.  He uses a wide vocabulary and often makes unexpected choices which tickle my sense of humour.  

Storm is a good example of his work (animated video contains strong language and anti-hippy sentiments).

Both Tim Minchin and Roald Dahl have a good sense of the dark and absurd, so I was sure they would be a good mix.  

I haven't actually read the book Matilda or seen the movie and made a point not to find out more than what I already knew - which was that it was about a little girl who liked reading and developed some special powers to restore justice with regard to those who mistreated her.  

So when we went on Wednesday night, I didn't really have any expectations.

As a singer, the main thing I like about musicals is the singing.  I know that sounds obvious, but a well pitched, strong voice speaks strongly to me emotionally.  Its the reason I listen to, and frequently cry at, opera - irrespective of whether or not I understand the words.  I've been known to cry at contestants singing on X-Factor for goodness sakes.

This show had me crying at its first line - but because of the words, not the voices.
My mummy says I'm a miracle.
Deep breath.  

Children are all miracles though this fact is sometimes not appreciated by people who do not experience any difficulties in having them. 

The opening number went on to illustrate that Matilda's birth was not desired or her existence valued by her parents, which just made me cry harder.  

Its so unfair!

An accomplished reader, in the song Naughty Matilda wonders why characters in stories do not take action to change the endings of their stories.
Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it,
You might as well be saying you think that it's OK.
And that's not right.  
And if it's not right, you have to put it right.
But nobody else is gonna put it right for me.
Nobody but me is gonna change my story.
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty.
and in a reprise at the end of When I Grow Up
Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change. 
Just because I find myself in this story,
It doesn't mean that everything is written for me.
If I think the ending is fixed already,
I might as well be saying I think that it's OK,
This is very much how I feel about trying to have a child.  

It was not okay that I was not getting pregnant and no one else was going to get me pregnant so I had to take action and do what I could to change my story.

Cue more tears.

So far, I'm projecting myself all over this show, but I was unprepared for additional elements in the plot that were not in the original book (and do not read further if you plan to see the show and don't want to know about these elements).

It turns out that as well as being a voracious reader, Matilda is a storyteller.  

She tells the tale of Escapologist and the Acrobat:

although they loved each other, although they were famous and everyone loved them, they were sad.

MATILDA collects two dolls from the house. She uses them to carry on a conversation.

ACROBAT [off-stage]
We have everything . . .

MATILDA
"We have everything that the world has to offer," said the wife.

ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage]
We have everything . . .

MATILDA
"But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most."

ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage]
But the one thing . . .

MATILDA
"We do not have a child."

ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage]
Patience, my love.

MATILDA
"Patience, my love," the husband replied. "Time is on our side. Even time loves us."

**********

MATILDA
But time is the one thing no one is master of. And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. At night, they listened to the silence of their big, empty house, and they would imagine how beautiful it would be if it was filled with the sound of a child playing.

**********

MATILDA
Their sadness overwhelmed them, and drew them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape the inescapable tragedy of their lives

Just as they plan to perform the greatest feat ever known to man: The Burning Woman Hurling Through the Air With Dynamite in Her Hair Over Sharks And Spiky Objects Caught By the Man Locked in the Cage


MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]
"It is our destiny – "

MATILDA – said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. 

MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]"It is where the loneliness of life has led us."

They discover the acrobat is finally pregnant after all these years.  But their attempts to cancel the event are thwarted.

MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage]
"A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall!"

**********

A contract is a contract is a contract! My hands are tied. The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage will be performed, and performed this day, or . . . off to prison you both shall go!"

**********

MATILDA
The great escapologist had to escape from the cage, lean out, catch his wife with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on her specially-designed dress within twelve seconds before they reached the dynamite and blew his wife's head off!

**********

MATILDA
The trick started well. The moment the specially-designed dress was set alight, the acrobat swung into the air. The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects. One second. Two seconds. They watched as the flames crept up the dress. Three seconds. Four seconds. She began to reach out her arms towards the cage. Five seconds. Six seconds! Suddenly, the padlocks pinged open, and the huge chains fell away. Seven seconds. Eight seconds. The door flung open, and the escapologist reached out one huge, muscled arm to catch his wife and their child. Nine seconds! Ten seconds!

**********

MATILDA
Eleven seconds! And he grabs her hand, and . . . and . . . and suddenly, the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces.

MRS PHELPS
Hooray! So the story does have a happy ending after all.

MATILDA
No. Maybe it was the thought of the child. Maybe it was nerves. But the escapologist used just a touch too much foam. And suddenly, their hands became slippy, and she fell.

MRS PHELPS
No. Was . . . Was she okay? Did . . . Did she survive?

The sheet parts and the ESCAPOLOGIST walks slowly forward, carrying the ACROBAT in his arms.

MATILDA
She broke every bone in her body. Except for the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child, but the effort was too great. "Love our little girl," she said. "Love our daughter with all your heart. She was all we ever wanted."

The ESCAPOLOGIST carries the ACROBAT off the front of the stage.

ACROBAT'S VOICE
Love our girl with everything. She is everything.

MATILDA
And then, she died.

I'm absolutely bawling by this stage.

**********

We can do all we can to put things right, to change the end of our stories.  But it doesn't guarantee the outcome we desire wont slip through our fingers just as everything looks like its going to be okay.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Book Review - Trying : love, loose pants & the quest for a baby

Appropriate pun.

Mark Cossey
Summersdale Publishers, 2013

I am supposed to be writing an essay for a continuing education course.  

I go to the library to find books. Actually I also go to the library just to leave the house.  Working From Home and Not Working are two very different beasts.

I'm much better at the former.

One of the things I like about having a library card (and I have something like seven cards in four different countries) is that you can just pick something off the shelf on a whim and take it home with no commitment.  

If you don't like it, you don't need to finish reading it.  

If you DO like it, you can buy your own copy.  

This encourages me to read lots of books about all sorts of subjects that I might otherwise show no interest in.  I'm a bit stubborn in that I usually make myself finish a book even when I think it is awful.

I read mostly non-fiction and like to read autobiographies and biographies.  I like to learn about other people's lives and perspectives.  Especially when I need to distract myself from actually doing any research or writing the essay I'm supposed to be working on.  'Trying' jumped out at me from the biography section when I should have been looking at medical journals.

Review:  

Mark and his wife Martha have been diagnosed with 'unexplained' infertility.  

In the UK, that means you've not conceived after two years of unprotected intercourse at the fertile time of your cycle.  

Martha spends her time learning about their options.  She does the research and presents him with the next steps.  He reacts and describes all sorts of odd fantasies in his head before addressing the subject at hand.  

Bless.

Firstly, I was really glad to have a male perspective.  

The author Mark is quite jokey about many of the indignities and frustrations of his and Martha's journey - I think many men use humour to deal with their feelings - but he is also extremely honest and poignant.  I feel like he gave me a bit of a window into what Mr Duncan may be thinking or feeling, but cannot express.

Especially that float off onto a tangent bit that totally drives me nuts.

A few quotes from the book that resonated with me...

On helplessness:
...because Martha and I desperately wanted a baby.  We really did.  We had been trying for forever.  I felt like I’d let her down a hundred times, this woman who I’d always wanted to give everything to.  I’d lived with her disappointment for months and then years.  I’d seen the pain inside her eyes grow and felt more powerless than I’d ever imagined.

Like everyone in that waiting room, we were scared.  Scared of never having a baby, scared of never being able to share the love we had with our own flesh and blood.  Scared?  We were terrified.

On timed intercourse:
My imagination wasn’t the only enemy.  Intercourse was also being hampered by that other useless part of male psyche:  the ego.  I’ve said that men don’t like to be told when to have sex, but the truth is, we hate it.  We don’t mind it being offered to us, we don’t mind asking for it; some men will even try to demand it.  But we will not be told.

On communication:
Men sometimes say they don’t care.  Usually they say it just at the moment when they care the most, when the thing they care about is in desperate need of that care, and when admitting that they did care would sort everything out.  Why Martha couldn’t see that I don’t know; instead we had a fight, which ended with her shouting: ‘Do you really want this?  Do you?’

On social isolation:
We shared less and less in common with our be-childed brethren

The other place have found that helps me decode Mr Duncan and his lack of responses is an online fertility forum for men.   Lots of wry humour there too.


Secondly, I love the title - Trying.  Yes Mark and Martha are trying to have a baby and any sort of infertility is extremely trying.  

It tries
  • Your trust.  
  • Your patience.
  • Your mental health.
  • Your self-confidence.
  • Your relationship.  
  • Your identity as a 'normal' member of the human race. 
Technically Mr Duncan and I were 'unexplained' until we conceived Poppy, but mostly our inability to conceive was put down to old eggs which is probably fair enough given my age.  

The most I've got out of Mr Duncan on the subject is 'stupid babies' in the manner of Homer Simpson where he disparages what he doesn't want to deal with.

Sometimes with a hug or slightly misty eyes which allows me to remember he is human.

And I have to remember that whether he is good at expressing himself or not, he has lost two children.  

He is grieving what might have been, whether he shows it or not.  

And I need to be gentle and supportive of him, as he is of me.

And he is really good at that.

------

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Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Review: The Fertility Diet, Sarah Dobbyn - Maximize Your Chances of Having a Baby at Any Age

The Fertility Diet by Sarah Dobbyn

The Fertility Diet

The Fertility Diet
How to Maximize Your Chances of Having a Baby at Any Age
Sarah Dobbyn
Simon & Schuster UK, 2012 

As an Amazon Associate I will earn from any qualifying purchases you make from Amazon.  However I didn't when I purchased and reviewed this book over a decade ago.
  

I have to admit, what attracted me to this book is its subtitle.  Age is not necessarily on my side in my attempts to conceive and carry a baby to term and I am keen to maximise my chances where I can.I already eat a pretty healthy diet and follow the usual lifestyle advice for women who wish to get pregnant.  I eat organic, home-cooked food, gave up coffee, alcohol etc and follow the advice on sites like Naturally Knocked Up and Wellness Mama.


The Fertility Diet was recommended to me on Amazon.  I wasn't convinced I needed to read it.  But it nagged at me so I checked out the reviews which ranged from 'the woman is crazy' to 'I got pregnant at 42 because of this book'.  

 
So I tried to find a copy of the book in the library catalog to no avail.  Though my google skills did uncover a comment by the author on a ttc forum claiming to have conceived and birthed a child when she was 44.  This gave some credence to the claims about maximising your chances at any age.

Sigh.

So I ordered it.  
 
Even as I am giving away books to charity shops before we move to Australia, I am replenishing the shelves...

What is The Fertility Diet all about?

Actually, the author covers many, many different aspects of TTC.  In addition to the usual nutrition/lifestyle/exercise/environment advice she also looks at fertility blockers, detoxing and aspects of natural living. 

It's not just about what you eat.  Each chapter concludes with an 'action plan'.  These are steps to put the recommendations in that chapter into action in your life.

I enjoyed the initial chapters about the 'Ingredients for Baby Making' and 'Pushing Snooze on the Biological Clock'. They give a rundown on

  • the biological conditions for conception,

  • how aging affects these and

  • how aging can be slowed down,

citing various research studies. 

These chapters give me good hope.  From this perspective, my fertility age is probably not the same as my chronological age.  I had an inordinately healthy childhood which established a lifetime of good eating habits.

I found the chapters on the Fertility Diet itself quite boring with lists of various foods and their benefits, without the backup of research references.  They did, however, reinforce that I've been eating the right sort of foods to maximise my chances (and that I know way too much about the subject).

I don't have any specific fertility issues (other than age), so I skipped through those chapters.   Except the one on miscarriage, though I didn't learn anything new to prevent losing another baby.

 

Was it worth buying The Fertility Diet?

I am glad I bought it.  It gives me hope and reassurance I am maximising my chances of a healthy conception.  I learned that I pretty much follow the Fertility Diet in my day to day life. 

My recipes are also more interesting and taste better than the ones in the book :-).


What are my main take-aways?

I will take on board several ideas from the book.  As a result of reading it I will

  • eat more raw foods, 

  • start using digestive enzymes and 

  • aim for better quality sleep.  

Getting more natural sunlight can be an effort in London when you work full-time, but I'll work on that too.  

It will be easier in Australia.

I will also stop drinking tonic water as quinine is apparently associated with miscarriage.  This is a bit of a pity.  Tonic is my non-alcoholic drink of choice when out with friends or colleagues.

I'll leave the suggestions on colonic irrigation, lunaception, drinking sole and taking loads of additional supplements - for now.

We'll see how it goes.  Fingers crossed!


L.
x
 

Saturday, 27 July 2013

Book Review: 30 Something and the Clock is Ticking, Kasey Edwards

30 Something and the Clock is Ticking

30 Something and the Clock is Ticking
What Happens When You Can No Longer Avoid the Baby Issue
Kasey Edwards
Mainstream Publishing Company, 2011






A self proclaimed feminist and career woman, Kasey is startled to find herself blurting that she wants a baby to her boyfriend of a year after returning from a 10 day Vipassana Meditation retreat.

They agree to revisit the subject in a year, at the ages of 32 and 34 respectively, there is lots of time.  

However at a routine checkup a few weeks later Kasey discovers she has a number of fertility issues and doctor recommends IVF within the year if she wants to have a child.

With candour and humour, Kasey elects to take on the baby issue in her own terms.  

Does she in fact want to be a mother?  

What life would she be choosing for herself if she did?  

Is she still of value to her partner if she is infertile?  

Is she of value in her career if she's not?  

If she does want to be a mother, would she be a good one?  

Kasey worries that taking on the invisible and poorly valued identity of mother in our society could bring back the black dog of depression from her past.

Researching the academic literature and the lives of her friends, Kasey weighs the pros and cons, like the Management Consultant she is, in order to make a rational recommendation to herself and finds herself re-examining her own ideas about motherhood and marriage.  In the end the choice is emotional, not rational and in the final chapters she shares the challenges of trying to conceive under a deadline.

I picked this book up at the library while looking for some prescribed reading for an essay I have to write, and read it in one sitting.  I found it to be both entertaining and educational.

The life Kasey paints of motherhood is not pretty - it involves a lot of effort and sacrifice for little appreciation and very small, but ultimately worth it, reward. 
 
Kasey also goes into the injustice of the gender pay gap and the 'mommy path' career women are sidelined into once they admit parenthood is on their agenda. 

Ultimately, trying to have it all means navigating a minefield of compromises and what it looks like is unique to each woman.

I could relate to Kasey's desire to decide and take action before time ran out and maybe its the educated, career oriented circles the author moves in, but I was surprised by the stories of her fellow female dinner party guests and the situations they found themselves in with regard to becoming parents.

On a side note, this is the second book in a row I've just picked up off the biography shelf for casual reading that has detailed the benefits of vipassana meditation.  

Some years ago I sat next to a man on a flight from New York to London who was just returning from a vipassana retreat.  He spoke in detail about it and I thought it would either benefit or kill me.

Maybe the universe is trying to remind me something.


L.
x

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